Cold Turkey

Still Hanging In There

2009-02-24T09:37:00.001-05:00

It's almost safe to say that I've quit...but I think I'll just keep it a secret for the most part and let people figure it out on their own.

Try, try again...

2009-02-20T06:38:00.002-05:00

Now I can know this blog is here and not feel like such a failure. I think I actually am doing it this time. Wierd... but who am I to question it. Damn near cold turkey, too.

I started with the patch as usual but the first time I forgot to change it and didn't realize, and still didn't particularly crave cigarettes, I kinda knew this time it was for real. Yay!

My sense of smell is very enhanced right now...my one son got in the car yesterday and I could smell his twizzlers in the bag and the sour apple lollipop.

I managed to make it past the ...I cannot breath... hump, too. That is always the hardest one..a few days out, you get all kinds of clogged up and it seems the only thing that helps is a cigarette. If you can just get past that, then it's good.

I did take some sleep aids in the form of melatonin this time so that I would sleep right and not be so tired when I wake up. Tired has always been a trigger for me.

Anyway...woo hoo!

I Forgot To Count The Days..

2009-02-18T08:31:00.002-05:00

Hey, whatever. Since I don't really smoke much anymore, I guess I don't need to. I didn't pick a date, or even really tell anybody.

And, I mentioned it to one of my sons yesterday, and lordy, I know he means well, but I log on to my Facebook this morning and there is a prayer that I have the strength to finally quit this time. Great. Just where I go to try and FORGET..I have some well intentioned person trying to help. Is there any nice way to ask for no help? I mean.....on never mind. Sigh.

2009-02-16T10:02:00.002-05:00

As my cravings intensify, so does my oxygen level and this lightheaded feeling I associate with having a cigarette after not having had one in a long time. Interesting. Who knew quitting could give you the same feeling as starting?

It's a little disconcerting, this lightheaded, dizzy feeling. That coupled with the horrific nightmares ..waking up sweating cold and breathing heavy.

This isn't my mind crying out for a cigarette..it's my whole body.

It's wierd, but I can view it in a detached sort of way and carry on with my business.

Thank God for video games and internet television. I am now caught up on several reruns and my simmys have the best house yet.

Yesterday...

2009-02-13T06:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was good. I hope today is as easy.

Each Day

2009-02-11T06:21:00.000-05:00

Each day is getting easier this time around instead of harder. Coolio...

$$$$$$$$$$$

2009-02-07T09:44:00.002-05:00

Dollar signs. That is all I see when I light a cigarette anymore these days. I do think that the economic times may be what drives me over the edge. Doing that math..hurts the bean counter in me. I can put probably close to three hundred dollars in my pocket by not smoking. Whoa, buddy. Three hundred dollars a month is the electric bill or something. Or, a hell of a savings, anyway.

Shoot, so here I go again. Hey..keep on trying is my motto. I'll get it right one time. Hopefully this will be the time.

Test

2008-03-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

This is a test and only a test.

Fifth Day

2007-05-08T09:07:00.000-05:00

This is a little easier than the times I've tried before...but as with my track record, it's too soon to be jumping for joy just yet. Keepin on truckin, though

Second Day

2007-05-05T09:22:00.000-05:00

So far so good. Another affirmation. I do not want to be dependent upon anyone in my old age. I want to be able to enjoy my grandchildren and not be a slave to the damages smoking has wreaked upon my body. I do not want to be a burden to my family.

Moral Support

2007-05-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

Well, it's time to try once again to quit smoking. Why do I want to quit? I want to breath better, I want to live longer, I want to be healthier.

This time, a friend of mine is joining me!! Good luck to us both!

Day 3 Again

2007-01-10T06:19:00.000-05:00

Did pretty good yesterday. I think the total was 5. Feel better today, so hopefully, will do better.

Day 2

2007-01-09T06:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm doing the patch again. It does make it easier. So far only 2, but the morning is young...soon, I'll be able to get real busy, though and it should get easier.

Day 1 Again

2007-01-08T08:13:00.000-05:00

Well, it's the first week of the New Year, time to start it off right. I am doing the patch, while my husband is stuck cold turkey, bless his heart. I am hoping that this will be the time I get to quit for good. I was talking with a friend last night about triggers and mornings are one for me, when I smoke the most cigarettes. Why? I'm not sure. It's an ADD thing, I think. It takes me a while to wake up and oddly enough, I know the cigarettes don't help but somehow they seem to kick my brain in gear quicker..or whatever. My only other real trigger is stress, plain and simple. The first cigarettes I ever had were under duress, so I don't know. And this really sucks because there's just a lot of stress in my life right now. But, hey, if I can do it under extreme stress, that just makes victory all the more sweeter, eh? I do plan to make out a schedule and make sure every minute of every day is filled so I don't have to stop and think about what to do next...I already have it planned. Deep breath....and I've only had 2 through the morning and my daughter lost her coat...

Starting Over

2006-11-08T15:43:00.000-05:00

Man, I blew it big, big time. I have to start all over again. That really sucks...SUCKS. So, tomorrow will be day 1 again...dammit.

Days 47-50

2006-10-31T11:35:00.000-05:00

Ok. Back on the patch. I feel rededicated. I still haven't been re-smoking for as long as I wasn't so there's still time to capitalize on all the positive energy I was feeling before. I have a person with me, too, that is helping me keep focused on what I need to and that does make it so much easier. No more backsliding. I can do this. Man, I was having that argument with myself this morning..you know, the one where it's "I can requit any time I want" and the other little perverse little fucker that says "Prove it." Oh, do I hate that voice ...cuz whatcha gonna do to save face..but prove it. So here I am ..proving that I can quit any time I want.

Days 44-46

2006-10-27T12:07:00.000-05:00

Hanging in there.

Day 41-43

2006-10-24T09:48:00.000-05:00

Not good days but I did find my trigger. PMS. Who knew. Back on the wagon and patch today. No cigarettes.

Day 40

2006-10-20T14:40:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm not doing good at this at all today. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. I need to renew my resolve somehow. It's just too easy to smoke.

Day 39

2006-10-19T05:37:00.000-05:00

So, I just went and smoked the rest of that damn pack of cigarettes yesterday. Hell, while I was at it, I figured I'd go ahead and have a few drinks too. And, here we are today. I feel pretty strong today. Either way, I ain't buying any more damn cigarettes.

Day 38

2006-10-18T05:54:00.000-05:00

Had to have a cigarette this morning. Ugh. The stress has been very high lately. I haven't exceeded more than 2 in a day and when this stupid pack of cigarettes I just HAD to buy is gone, then I will be back to not smoking. Perhaps I will find the strength to resist.

Days 33-37

2006-10-17T13:29:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I forgot to post here for 5 days. Yes, I've been cheating a bit lately, too. I don't know what the trouble is. Not a lot, but a little. Curses to these cigarettes and the hold they have.

Day 32

2006-10-12T10:39:00.000-05:00

No cigarette. It's a little hard again without the patch, but not any harder than it has been. It's almost like learning to ride a bike..I'm almost a non-smoker for real..LOL!

Day 31

2006-10-11T10:24:00.000-05:00

So, this is like my third day with no nicotine whatsoever. It actually feels pretty good. Better than I thought it was going to. I could get addicted to clean air just the same as I was to cigarettes.

Day 26-30

2006-10-10T07:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I was doing ok til Friday. Friday sitting out by the campfire, I got jonesing for a cigarette so bad, right? Should have been no problem since I didn't buy any. Ha. I go rooting around in the truck and I find some cigarettes. Smoked 2 of those. Sat. I made the senior chief go get some more and smoke 2-3 of those and then nothing. No cigarettes on Sunday and none on Monday. And none today. Yay!

Day 25

2006-10-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm starting to forget to post over here, it's becoming such a habit not to smoke. I have so much energy now, I'm not sure what to do with it all. It's COOL! I might remember again when I go to the next level of patch here in a few days. I will be gone out of town this weekend, so no posting until Monday or Tuesday.

Day 24

2006-10-04T06:34:00.000-05:00

Well, the morning craving is getting oh so much more manageable. I am finding myself not even thinking about it and doing other things like cooking breakfast and whatnot. The only real trigger I'm having now is when I get mad or really feel stressed out. The first instinct is to run for the cigarette, but I am finding physical activity at those times burns the craving right out.

Day 23

2006-10-03T04:29:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. You know, stress was always my excuse. Too much stress to quit. Well, I got news for ya..the stress is going to keep on coming and smoking doesn't help ease it. It does, however, complicate things like cause you to be ill and whatnot. THAT'S bigger stress. Funny how those cancer sticks can just warp your thinking.

Day 22

2006-10-02T06:33:00.000-05:00

No smoking today. I feel all clogged up this morning like I smoked a whole pack. I would have thought I'd have been breathing a LITTLE easier by now, you know? But, such is not the case. I sure hope I quit in time.

Day 21

2006-10-02T06:32:00.000-05:00

I forgot to post yesterday. Coincidentally, I cheated yesterday, too. I didn't have a whole one, just a few puffs..but cheating is cheating. Didn't do a damn thing for me either.

Day 20

2006-09-30T09:27:00.000-05:00

Hey, this stop-smoking blog was kind of a good idea. It feels pretty darn good to look up there and see what day it is and realize that I haven't had a cigarette in 15 days...more than 2 weeks..hell yeah! My previous record was 24 hours and then before that I had weaned myself down to one per day for 10 days. Yee Haw!!

Day 19

2006-09-29T11:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess I'm not thinking about it ALL the time. Mainly when I change my patch, but that's pretty mild now. Whew. I only have to go through the obsession a couple of more times and that will be good. I almost cheated yesterday and bummed a cigarette from my oldest kid, but I gave it back after standing there holding it for awhile. I really, really wanted that cigarette, too, but it wasn't right to smoke it and I found the strength to resist, somehow. That's heartening.

Day 18

2006-09-28T05:50:00.000-05:00

It would appear that I am always going to miss smoking. The nagging feeling like I want one really has nothing to do with physical cravings, it's almost like mourning a death. Hmm, that's kind of wierd, don't you think? Wow, what a psychological hold they have on you. I always knew that, I just chose to ignore it. But, still no cigarette.

Day 17

2006-09-27T05:31:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. And believe me, my nerves have been tested lately.

Day 16

2006-09-26T05:07:00.000-05:00

Boy, I was dreaming about some cigarettes last night. I was smoking like a chimney, too. Whew! But, I didn't give in and I guess this is what the stepping down to the next level is going to be like. The cravings aren't as bad, but it does feel constant. Like someone is nagging the SHIT out of you...LOL! Hopefully, if I ignore it long enough, I won't have to throttle it!

Day 15, 1:17pm

2006-09-25T12:25:00.000-05:00

I surely do not know what was making me sick, but the worst of it seems to be over. I am craving a cigarette a little bit, probably as a result of less nicotine. The senior chief just decided to go off it altogether and he isn't even doing the patch..show off. But, I am still weak so, I'll just keep on trucking this way. Still haven't smoked, though.

Day 15

2006-09-25T09:39:00.000-05:00

Went down to the next level of patch. That seems to be working well. Still no smoke.

Day 14

2006-09-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. Took my patch off, too. Think it was making me sick.

Day 13

2006-09-23T07:42:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. The only craving I get now is in the morning and that's my signal to put my patch on. I think I'm going to go to step 2 of the patches a little early. I think these strong ones may be causing the nausea. I can feel that my lungs are a lot clearer today, as well, and I'm starting to get rid of the crud, which is excellent. I was standing right next to someone smoking a cigarette yesterday and it rather pissed me off, but I didn't go into a spasm of craving.

Day 12

2006-09-22T05:39:00.000-05:00

It feels like the grip of addiction is finally loosening it's hold a little. I managed to accomplish a few things yesterday and the craving was only slight this morning and went away immediately with the patch. Yay! Still no cigarette.

Day 11

2006-09-21T05:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I had some major dental work done yesterday that drove smoking just right out of my mind. You can't really smoke after dental work like that anyway, for fear of causing a dry socket. I have been fortunate in that I haven't had one yet, but a lot of that is attributed to the fact that I haven't really smoked after the procedure. It just feels wrong somehow to pollute open wounds with carcinogens. Gross when you think about it, isn't it? Anyway, I still haven't smoked, except for that little slip yesterday. It feels for the first time, that the grip cigarettes have on me is loosening a bit. I forgot altogether to mention that I hadn't smoked...so there you have it.

Day 10, 1:51

2006-09-20T13:00:00.000-05:00

No more cigarettes. Had a bunch of teeth pulled so even if I did really want one, I couldn't have one. Dry socket just ain't worth it. But, the trauma of it does rather kill the desire for a cigarette. You'd think it would be the opposite, but somehow it isn't.

Day 10, 9:39am

2006-09-20T08:49:00.000-05:00

Well, in my closet, I found a half a cigarette, and really stale. I smoked it. It didn't do a thing for me. It brought no satisfaction whatsoever, except the shame that I couldn't NOT smoke it. But, I was on the verge of buying a whole pack and I have completely lost that urge, so perhaps it served it's purpose after all.

Day 10

2006-09-20T05:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I still want a cigarette real bad, but I figure if I had one now, I would cough my lungs out, so I'll skip it for another day. It has now been 5 days since my last cigarette. That's the best success I have ever had while trying to quit.

Day 9, 4:16pm

2006-09-19T15:25:00.000-05:00

Today was actually a little easier than other days. I was able to at least accomplish a few things without constantly thinking about them. Hopefully, tomorrow will be easier.

Day 9, 11:17am

2006-09-19T10:25:00.000-05:00

Well, no cigarette still. But, if there was any around, I'd be smoking like a chimney. It's true. I am so grateful for my family for supporting this and doing everything they can to make it easier. And that does include going to work and school so I can feel bitchy and whiny in peace.

Day 9

2006-09-19T06:22:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. Yesterday was a big craving, probably due to the fact that I took some caffeine. I won't make that mistake again today, trust me.

Day 8, 2:22pm

2006-09-18T13:30:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette, although that is ALL I can think about right now. It is driving me crazy. Thank goodness there is noone here with me right now, and especially anyone with no cigarettes. I hope this passes. It's not like I get a craving and then it passes,...nope. I've been pretty much in one long craving since the last cigarette I smoked. The only break I get is sleep, and even then, not really. Ok, while I'm reading I get a break, but hell, you can only read or sleep for so long. What then? Sigh. I just want to not want them anymore.

And my smoking is tied up with so many mother issues, that it's like fighting a double battle. See, my mom was of the school of parenting that said, if you suspect your kid is smoking, then make them smoke a pack of cigarettes. And not just any pack of cigarettes, a pack of the nastiest kind you can find. In that particular case, she didn't have to look much further than my father's carton of Camel unfiltered. A whole pack later and I was addicted.

I had tried smoking as a kid and rejected it, but she decided one day that I stole her pack of cigarettes and voila..here we are today.

But, you know, that was a long time ago and nobody is beating my ass for not smoking faster today. Nobody is forcing me to inhale anymore. I've been doing that for a long time on my own. But..I'm still angry and have no idea what to do with it.

I think it's important to figure out why you do a thing in order to stop doing it.

Day 8, 6:22 am

2006-09-18T05:29:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette!! I do not know how I got through yesterday. Nobody else was smoking around me. That was VERY helpful. I guess I let them know I was at the end of my rope. I have quite a few projects to keep me busy and I kept the patch on last night so I didn't wake up in the middle of a craving this morning. Whew that was wicked. But, as a result, I didn't sleep as well as I should have. So, I think I'll nap through the morning to beat back the craving...hey, it actually works..to realize that it's almost noon and you haven't smoked yet. Never mind that you slept..the important thing is not smoking. Anyway, or maybe not. I feel pretty good today..more energetic, which is a bonus. You can only sleep so much anyway..haha! But YAY...I'm finally starting to think like a non-smoker.

Day 7, 12:11

2006-09-17T11:20:00.000-05:00

So far today has just been one damn big cigarette craving. Every time I pause in any activity, it's there. Unless I am totally engrossed in something else, I am craving a cigarette. But I still haven't smoked one. Hooray!

Day 7, 10:30am

2006-09-17T09:39:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. I had a wicked craving in the middle of the night though..so wicked that I was DREAMING about wanting a cigarette. The happy thing is, is that in my dream, I didn't even smoke...can we get a big HELL YEAH?

Day 6, 5:03pm

2006-09-16T16:11:00.000-05:00

Still no cigarette. And I didn't attack the senior chief like some drug crazed maniac when he came home, either. Got a lot of stuff done today as well, including new shower curtains. And these people have been some serious chainsmoking fools in the garage, too. I'm starting to get a little damn irritable. I walk away and they follow me trailing smoke behind them. I give the "evil" look...finally..hint taken. Whew. But, I feel strong today..I sure hope tomorrow is like this.

Day 6, 1:25 pm

2006-09-16T12:33:00.000-05:00

Still no smoke! Yay! I tried to cheat this morning and bum one from my eldest kid. But, I reneged immediately and told him to "Just Say No" and he will. I see he has also bought himself some patches and is smoking less. Yay. Even better.

Day 6, 10:46am

2006-09-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

Doing VERY well today. Not a cigarette yet and I've already done some bank stuff and fixed the hot rod. Needed a new battery.

Day 6

2006-09-16T08:15:00.000-05:00

So far so good.

Day 5

2006-09-15T12:31:00.000-05:00

Sigh. Forgot to put my patch on. I'm not going at this right, somehow. I am going to try not to have the morning one. If I can cut that one morning cigarette out of my routine, then it goes to reason that the rest will follow right?

Day 4

2006-09-14T07:58:00.000-05:00

Doing pretty well this morning. Just one at the patch change. I like the patch deal because it steps you down over a 10 week period. So, it's not like you stay at the full dose of nicotine and then have to cold turkey it really, the patches come in different strengths so the first 6 weeks are at the strongest dosage..or the pack plus a day dosage. Then you step down to a smaller dosage for 2 weeks and then an even smaller dosage for the last 2 weeks. Which is good because it's a weaning you off of nicotine program, too.

Day 3 - 4:30

2006-09-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

Hey, I didn't do as bad as I thought this morning. I only smoked 4. Cool, perhaps this habit is starting to be kicked a little. I was thinking I has smoked like a fiend again. It felt like it, but nope...not too bad.

Before I started this, I was up to a pack and a half per day. I'm pretty pleased with my results so far. Mornings are a bitch, that is my weakest time ..right when I change the patch.

Those patches can cause some funky dreams too and not necessarily good. But, thankfully, it wasn't as bad as I thought in my fog of upsetedness this morning. Yeah, I know that's not a word, but tough.

Day 3

2006-09-13T10:26:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm sucking at this big time. I blew it already today. I got up late, the car wouldn't start, it's raining (that's a good thing, though) and I had a nightmare last night. I actually haven't blown it too badly, maybe I can salvage the day some.

I've been laying off of other trigger substances, like caffeine and alcohol to help facilitate this but I've been so tired lately, I had to get some caffeine in me today. Bah! This is freaking hard.

Day 2

2006-09-12T10:25:00.000-05:00

Had to have 2 this morning before the better half went to work. Sigh. I blew it big time last night when he came home with a pack of cigarettes. Did so good all day and then smoked like a fiend. Tobacco is like heroine or something. I was a little crabby when he came home ...and desperate enough to be digging in the ashtray. Isn't that just sick as hell??? That's why it's an addiction. And all addictions are the same, really.

Day1, 3:04

2006-09-11T14:12:00.000-05:00

Craving passed, got some dishes and laundry done. Hopefully every day won't be this difficult. I think I'll practice my pool game when the next cravings hit me and I run out of things to clean. Playing pool is very therapeutic and in order to play a good game, you cannot be distracted. Learning to drink again with no cigarettes is going to be a tough one. Going to have to lay off the alcohol for a while.

Day 1, noon

2006-09-11T11:37:00.000-05:00

I want a cigarette so damn bad right now, it's not even funny. I don't have any cigarettes, which makes it a hell of a lot easier to not smoke them. But I want one.

Day 1

2006-09-11T06:33:00.000-05:00

I awoke at five thirty this morning and had my last cigarette. I have tried to quit many times before, but never have I tried blogging while quitting. Something about saying it out loud keeps you honest. I am using the patch 21mg strength.

I don't know how this is going to turn out but join me in my endeavor to lick this habit once and for all, if you are so inclined. Good luck to you, and good luck to me.